Finally the World Can Stop Watching Kate Middleton’s Cervix Dilate

I really need a refuge from the fuckery of sugary shit that is all over the internet including “real” news sites like The Guardian and Huffington Post who have been plaguing and bombarding us all day long with minute-by-minute progress updates of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy labors.

This chimpanzee gave birth too. It's nothing new to royalty.

This chimpanzee gave birth too.

I really don’t understand all this hoopla about a bunch of so called “royal” pukes and their procreation and why this whole deal has to result in this earth shattering world reaction. Really. What the fuck is wrong with human kind? Worshiping royalty is just as arbitrary and baseless as worshiping gods, messiahs and prophets and incidentally both were put in place as means to exploit and subjugate people. In fact, often they worked hand in hand.

Anyway, did I miss something? Was William’s sperm made out of gold dust and diamond crystals? Were Kate’s eggs made out of precious pearls pressed in gold? Does anything else besides plasma, proteins, water, red blood cells and nutrients flow in the baby’s veins that we don’t know of? Are Kate’s vaginal walls made out of silk and cashmere? Is the DNA of the child composed of another set of nucleotides than that of other human beings and living things? Does he crap out gold bullion as opposed to standard regular shit? Can he cure cancer?

Let’s track back here for a minute: so about nine or so months ago, William got horny because of Kate. He got an erection, things happened in his balls and prostate, then he injected the baby batter in her vagina and that produced a bebe. The ensuing pregnancy produced an offspring, a process generally referred to as procreation. And she has that in common with all living creatures, including Bobo pictured to the right here.  Hardly news. Hardly earth shattering. So why are they being revered like that?

Millions of children are born today: to normal folks, to poor folks, to utterly poor folks in some African country. Children made out of flesh and blood and the same building materials as this royal puke but somehow they don’t matter. No one reveres them. So why this little asshole? All because of some completely arbitrary designation of royalty?

*Urgh*

On a lighter note, I think they should name him Severus and call it a day. The new Half-Blood Prince! I do wonder though, did the placenta get a title? Or a crown?

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