Posts Tagged purity

Purity Balls and the Guardians of Vaginas

PurityIn case you did not already know (and I did not know) purity balls [insert your own joke here]  – where “ball” refers to a social gathering or dance, such as a prom, not a hairy gonad as I first thought – are a religious rite wherein girls pledge not to have sex until they’re married. 

Photographer  David Magnusson captures the, creepy, may I add,  institution of the Purity Ball in pictures where young girls pose with their fathers who glow with pride at the thought that their little girl’s vagina is safe and sound in their arms, protected from the evil penis.

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It’s like the fathers own their daughter’s vaginas (just like they think they own every woman’s uterus and vagina and everything) and they are holding that “high priced” possession, that family heirloom, in front of them, like a trophy, so that everyone really understands that this vagina here, with the woman/daughter attached to it, really is theirs to give away  and do with what they want, and no one else’s.  The guardians of the pussy, the purveyors of all of womanhood’s sexual organs.

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I must say that this one of the most fucked, creepiest and most inappropriate things have I have seen in a long while. It is amazing that this is a real thing in the world.

Now, many of you may agree that this is messed up and creepy and think that this sort of thing is confined to a few lunatics on the fringe, the extremes.

But it is not.

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A lot of men, especially Christian men, do believe they have some kind of a say to and ownership rights over a woman’s body and what a woman does with her body – vagina and uterus included-  especially if that woman is a relative or spouse.

Just enter the world of anti-choice legislation where women are treated as incubators who apparently owe the world babies.

Also look at how women in porn, for example, are referred to as “whores” and, generally, a culture that places a woman’s value as a human being between her legs, which is why porn stars are viewed as whores and thus worthless. In fact, any woman who is confident in her sexuality and has a sex life similar or comparable to that of a man is valued as less than women who are “virtuous.”

The Purity Ball images by Magnusson are a stark, obscene and visual depiction of the culture of misogyny.

The same culture that puts rape victims on trial; the same culture that values a fetus more than it values the person carrying it; the same culture that works hard to subvert a woman’s agency and bodily autonomy by closing abortion clinics or else working on taking away a woman’s right to choose, which includes access to affordable and safe abortions.

It is the same culture that disbelieves rape victims and puts them on trial as opposed to the perpetrator; the same culture that pays women less than their male counterparts for the same work; the same culture that pays for a man’s erection pills, penis pumps and vasectomies, but takes a woman’s access to birth control pills to the Supreme Court so that some dusty old relics who neither have uteri and whose penises haven’t been functioning for years can decide whether insurance companies should pay for that woman’s birth control; the same culture that holds women to standards men are rarely held to. Note that there are no sons in any of these images, only daughters.

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It is easy to view and dismiss misogyny as a relic of the past, as something that is going away, as something that only “those extremist” nut jobs engage in.

However, when talking about and looking at misogyny and the mechanisms and institutions, as well as mind-sets, that perpetuate and uphold it – in very real policy terms, it becomes apparent just how deeply misogyny is ingrained and interwoven into our society, determining ultimately how we treat women.

In other words, Purity Ball images, as creepy and amusing they may be, are not the only depictions of misogyny. They are a blatant and obvious part of it, something we can point the finger at and ridicule, even admonish, but it does not end there because misogyny is real everyday for countless women and it is deeply ingrained in our society and its institutions, from gendered slurs, jibes and insults to unequal pay and everything in between.

It is real for your daughter, your mother, your sister, your female girl-friend, your grandmother, your wife and battling it requires awareness every step of the way not just when some messed up fathers pose for pictures with their daughters whom they have shamed into thinking that sex is a terrible, sinful  thing and that it was their job, a man’s job, to tell them what to do with their bodies. These girls, when they do get older, will then just replace their fathers who tell them what to do with their bodies, with another man, such as a boyfriend, spouse or a Justice of the United Stated Supreme Court.

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Parenting For Purity

The other day I ran into this unscripted piece of mind vomit from a religious member of Lighthouse Catholic Media‘s Facebook page, Ms M. Lopez.

Ms Lopez had the following to say when responding to the post by Lighthouse Catholic Media on Facebook encouraging parents to manipulate teach their children to believe sex was a bad, sinful thing and that they needed to remain “pure” and chaste for the Lord blah blah yawn.

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M. Lopez said: “we have a 14 year old and we teach her to stay pure for God, Herself and most of all to save that very special gift for her husband. So, today I took her to her doctor’s one year appointment and why would this doctor take her in another room and ask her and talk to her about sex like its a great thing, I mean it is a great thing when your married, but I wish people would just respect the way I teach my children. When I say I am Catholic RESPECT IT.

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Dear Ms Lopez: First of all, yes, how dare that doctor have a frank, honest and fact-based discussion about sex and reproduction with your teenager. That is completely irresponsible and your kid is definitely better off with being fed misinformation and the head-in-the-sand approach when it comes to exploring sex and her sexuality. Don’t worry about STDs and unwanted pregnancies, abstinence totally works. HPV is fun and what you are doing is totally responsible parenting.

Guilt tripping your child and threatening them with eternal damnation is also a very effective way of keeping them from engaging in sexual activity and – as an added bonus – it is sure to result in a lot of dysfunctional behavior later in life, not to mention that it will instill a sense of trust and confidence in your child knowing that her mother, and god, think that she is a worthless, sinning, filthy whore simply because she likes sex and considers using contraceptives.

So please, keep telling your child sex is dirty and unnatural (except for when you are married, of course. Hint: this is a good way of rushing her to get married to just any guy who can read a Bible) and that sex is overall a liability that makes her a sinner whom god hates and will punish fiercely.

Signaling to your child that sex is a sin resulting in eternal damnation and hate from god will do a whole lot of psychological damage to them in the long run and result in them having a pathological relationship to sex, viewing it as something bad, dirty, undesirable, and sinful rather than as a perfectly normal biological function.

Therefore, dear Ms. Lopez, it is not enough that you just unleash a chastity belt in the form of threats and guilt onto your child, but it is imperative that you also work hard to unleash a chastity belt of the mind onto her to make sure she grows up to be a formidable bigot, going through life ignorant, confused, frustrated; a truly fucked up individual full of judgment and issues regarding sex and sexuality, coming full circle with the cycle of ignorance and hate you planted earlier when praising that Duck Dynasty was coming back . Amen to that.

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