Posts Tagged royalty

Speak Of Being Ungrateful

Princesses never have bad-hair days thanks to private stylists who jet with them around the world

Princesses never have bad-hair days thanks to private stylists who jet with them around the world

These fucking royals. They seem to be operating under the archaic mindset that anyone who works for them is some indentured servant whose sole purpose in life must be to cater to their pompous needs and asses without any interests, rights and/or business ambitions on their own.

Case in point, James Pryce, the man who used to brush Duchess Kate’s hair a thousand times with a sterling silver brush every night and condition her locks with the sperm of William the Conquerer that’s kept in a jar in the dungeon. he was just recently fire for treason.

See, Pryce is the guy who used to work on her famous wedding mane and traveled with her when she was going on her world tour of awesomeness to make sure she is well groomed when posing for photo ops and exhuming her royal superiority on all the peons in the world who are clearly inferior to her because they aren’t, well, royal.

However, when Pryce started to gain some notoriety for his work on Kate’s hair, he quit the salon he worked at and began to move on his own. In order to promote his solo career he, according to some sources at The Daily Telegraph, launched a Facebook page and Twitter account which featured hundreds of pictures of Kate and her various hairstyles to promote his business. When the Palace found out, he was unceremoniously booted out for having violated her privacy or some shit.

Creating a portfolio of your work, which is what every artist  – from paint, to print, fashion, make up and hair  – does is apparently something you may not do when you work for your Royal Assness and her clan of usurpers who are wealthy beyond anyone’s wildest dreams  – and also apparently important and superior human beings –  for no reason other than a long established tradition that says so.

What really gets me, however, is this claim that apparently her privacy was violated – to which I can only say: when you become the wife of some famous rich prince with metric fucktons of money he never worked for  – and you never have to work for (other than birthing him a male offspring that is) – you know that you won’t have any “privacy” –  so just get over it. Seriously.

I am so tired of listening to wealthy people who make a million dollars in half an hour piss and moan about how hard life is because they don’t have any privacy. Fuck you, bitches. You can have my privacy in exchange for all the easy millions you got. Go count your blessings, assholes, and stop making an issue of it.

The man did you hair, the work he has done on your hair is part of his body of work which he has every right to promote and showcase because unlike you, he still does have to work for a living.

I know it must be hard going through life having to kill the time in between endless hair appointments, shopping sprees, soirees and hiring staff to wait on you hand and foot, but try to level with us mere peons, dear Kate, and remember that there are human beings on this planet who need to actually work for the things they got, including the person doing your fucking hair. And if that person wants to continue doing work and making a living, there are certain things he needs to do to promote himself, such as creating a portfolio showcasing his body of work.

Others write resumes, artists and creative people have portfolios, blogs and websites. That’s how people who don’t have everything handed to them just have to do.

Considering that more than half the world’s population is living in complete and utter poverty – thanks largely to the imperialist ambitions and a host of ravaging and devastating overseas and colonial policies of the very crown that is paying for your overpriced private, jet-setting hairstylist whom you just fired  – I find it shameful to be sitting here and making an issue of your privacy.

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Quote of the Day

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Finally the World Can Stop Watching Kate Middleton’s Cervix Dilate

I really need a refuge from the fuckery of sugary shit that is all over the internet including “real” news sites like The Guardian and Huffington Post who have been plaguing and bombarding us all day long with minute-by-minute progress updates of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy labors.

This chimpanzee gave birth too. It's nothing new to royalty.

This chimpanzee gave birth too.

I really don’t understand all this hoopla about a bunch of so called “royal” pukes and their procreation and why this whole deal has to result in this earth shattering world reaction. Really. What the fuck is wrong with human kind? Worshiping royalty is just as arbitrary and baseless as worshiping gods, messiahs and prophets and incidentally both were put in place as means to exploit and subjugate people. In fact, often they worked hand in hand.

Anyway, did I miss something? Was William’s sperm made out of gold dust and diamond crystals? Were Kate’s eggs made out of precious pearls pressed in gold? Does anything else besides plasma, proteins, water, red blood cells and nutrients flow in the baby’s veins that we don’t know of? Are Kate’s vaginal walls made out of silk and cashmere? Is the DNA of the child composed of another set of nucleotides than that of other human beings and living things? Does he crap out gold bullion as opposed to standard regular shit? Can he cure cancer?

Let’s track back here for a minute: so about nine or so months ago, William got horny because of Kate. He got an erection, things happened in his balls and prostate, then he injected the baby batter in her vagina and that produced a bebe. The ensuing pregnancy produced an offspring, a process generally referred to as procreation. And she has that in common with all living creatures, including Bobo pictured to the right here.  Hardly news. Hardly earth shattering. So why are they being revered like that?

Millions of children are born today: to normal folks, to poor folks, to utterly poor folks in some African country. Children made out of flesh and blood and the same building materials as this royal puke but somehow they don’t matter. No one reveres them. So why this little asshole? All because of some completely arbitrary designation of royalty?


On a lighter note, I think they should name him Severus and call it a day. The new Half-Blood Prince! I do wonder though, did the placenta get a title? Or a crown?

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Breaking News: Kate Middleton Gets Her Hair Done Three Times a Week

Yeah. Easy money is easily spent. Kate Middleton, royal mooch-in-law of the biggest mooch family in the world – the British crown – gets blow-outs three times a week. Isn’t it amazing? What a woman. Never done a hard day’s work (or any work for that matter) in her life and she fills the time between shopping sprees,  world tours and endless parties with getting her hair done. The sad thing is that this is an Exclusive in Us Weekly.

If I was an unemployed mooch receiving money I never had to work for a day in my life, I would blow it on all sorts of stuff as well.

But really, isn’t it just pathetic that of all the things you can report on a human being with crap loads of money that she could use to do good with – or just use for herself in some meaningful way – the breaking news is that in fact she spends it getting her hair done three times a week? Do the royals and the minions (in the UK and US alike) who worship and follow them really believe this to be a source of pride? And more to the point, this is what Americans like? Royalty? A bunch of freeloaders who are rich and wealthy for no other reason than a long established tradition that says so?

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